2.16.2011

senile woman.

        Last year, my choir teacher put me into chamber choir, the most advanced class because I knew music theory and had a decent voice. Juniors very rarely make it in, so I felt quite special. Later on in the year she changed her mind because I suck at the performance part, and I don't blame her for that because it is true that I don't have natural stage presence. By then though, it became a scheduling issue, so I asked if I could still be in it. She said alright, and I could definitely keep up musically, but I would give up a lot of opportunities since I would be competing with higher. That was okay. I knew what I was giving up, and I needed to keep my schedule, and I did not mind a challenge. 
        This year, I didn't keep up my reputation with her. I almost was allowed to audition for district choir, but she gave my spot to a senior. Again, understandable. Madrigals season was a drag. I wasn't in the group, but I knew that would happen. What was terrible was that she repeatedly reminded me and the whole class that I should have been in the other class. She made it seem like I got down on my knees and begged her to be there. It was so humiliating to be the worst person in a large room, and then have the person in charge point it out again and again. Eventually I got over it.
        Last week, she told us that she would make chamber a much smaller class, and that we were not guaranteed entry again. By then it didn't matter to me. After class I let her know that I would not be taking choir next year, so she would not have to worry about my placement. She said she wished I had been in the junior class again, so that I could really develop my voice and have more experience performing. She said that I was the "top one or two junior altos" and so she was sad to see me go, and I was the hardest working person in the class. I said it was okay, that I needed to be taking another class. And that was that. 
        Today, I found out that she told the junior class that I definitely wouldn't be in chamber. (Obviously, I'm dropping of my own accord.) She said I completely did not deserve to be there now. I just can't understand why she would lie to my face about me being one of the best. I don't care about what she thinks, she can think whatever she wants, but she basically trash-talked me in front of my friends and expected to get away with it. 
         It was especially shocking because just this semester, she lost her legitimately best and favorite and brightest and greatest musician of a student because of the way she abused all of us and took him for granted. He wrote her a letter basically telling her that she was a total inconsiderate bitch. As a result, she told us that she would try to be more agreeable and considerate. HAH. 
        She yells at us for having bad attitudes, but is it any wonder? She is so unprofessional, all her students have lost their respect for her. I'm not the only one she has talked trash about. I just hope that nobody who listens to her takes her too seriously. 
        Now I really understand the significance of knowing your own abilities and not heeding to what others say about you. After this year, I won't have to look at her or hear her ever again. 
I know I'm not a bad musician.
I know I have superb work ethic. 
I know that I have at least a half-decent singing voice.
I know that I don't deserve this kind of vile treatment. 
She is just a vile, senile old woman. I almost pity her.
-T.

P.S. I hope she's happy with herself. And she probably is, seeing as she doesn't think she did anything wrong. As for the rest of the year, I'm going to finish strong. I'm going to work my hardest to show her that she is wrong. The biggest difference is that I will no longer be her eager student. I'm going to put on my most outrageous anger face for her. I'm putting the effort in for myself.

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