After the initial sobfest, I really settled into a fog of calm. I am so much happier, but it's a struggle because I miss him too. I miss being able to just jump into his arms and smell him. I have to remember that we lost that for a while now. I thought I would be inconsolable for weeks, but really I'm so calm. Literally all I really want to do is go buy shoes.. it's ridiculous.
I'm kind of worried about prom though. Not me really, because I don't care that much about prom. I don't have to go. I went last year, it was just okay. I know he's worried about it too now. I'm afraid that whoever it is, it is going to hurt me. I don't know, I suppose it's because I always pictured it just the two of us. Like, the worst possible girl he could take would be NS. I would absolutely DIE. OK, not die, just retch for a few days. I'm almost hoping that if we become secure enough in saving our friendship, we can still go together.
At this point the worst possible thing would be if we lost all friendship. No matter what, he was still one of my closest friends. I don't ever want to lose that. I want to be able to hug him with no worries, and I want him to feel comfortable talking to me about anything. I'm not ready to completely eradicate from my life. I'm trying to keep it up now, but I also want to give him his space. It seems like he's been taking it harder than I am. I'm afraid that if we just stop talking, we'll just let it fade away. It would devastate me to lose him that way again. He will always be my first love. I want to keep him close to me always.