feets.

        Last night I was talking to LE, as per usual, and some interesting topics came up. He was super embarrassed about it, but admitted to me that part of the reason he like Quentin Tarantino movies so much is that he has a minor foot fetish. It's odd, but also insanely endearing. It's nothing creepy or anything, but just a point of interest for him. Because of this, he is also kind of into shoes, and we have the same taste in shoes.
        Why is he perfect? We like all the same things and we love to learn and we could talk for days on end and never run out of things to say and now he likes shoes and things that boys aren't supposed to like. He even sees lipstick as a means of expression and likes random colored lipstick. Boys don't like lipstick!! I wonder if he feels as comfortable with me as I do with him, and I think he does. He says that he really appreciates that I listen to his rants and can actually converse with him. What's not to love about his rants though? He is so passionate about so many things, and those things are important to him and he doesn't let society get in the way. He did awfully during high school, but he doesn't regret the grades. He regrets only that he didn't get to take all the amazing and interesting classes available, like AP Chemistry. LE is just so great sometimes I just want to scream and kiss him but oops only in a friendly way of course.
        His only flaw, which is his awful high school record, is actually something I appreciate a lot. Other than my geometry class, it's the only real look I get into that other side of the school stratosphere. There are a lot of things wrong with our education system, and I don't know what the solutions should be. I want everyone to love school and love learning but it really might just be something you have to find for yourself. Students in lower level classes are treated like criminals and imbeciles, and I hate that. In higher level courses we can joke around with teachers and be pretty much equal, the teachers take us seriously, and we aren't sent to the dean's office for sassiness. Our preconceptions of people really change how we act, and change the people as well. I love talking to LE, about this, about everything. I don't shroud away any parts of myself, at least not consciously, and he tells me things that he tells no one. We talk about each other, we talk about the world.
        I need to keep myself from liking him though. I'm not allowed to like him. I'd ruin everything. I'm not mature enough for him and I know I'd mess up and he'd never be my friend again. He's so much that I've dreamed of, so much that other boys lack, and now that I'm single I can see it right in front of me. But I can't. I'd just ruin everything and I can't let myself do that. I think that he might like me a little bit too, or just get the beginning feelings of it. I need to not hang out with him as often. I want this to be one of those things where we go to different colleges and see other people and grow into the best selves we can be, and then when we're both in our late twenties we'll meet up for coffee one day and then realize that we had been perfect for each other all along. Oh my god I'm embarrassing. I can't date him now because I can't lose him. I'm scared and I wish I wouldn't get attached, but I also know in my heart that, at least at this point in my life, he is my perfect counterpart. Having LE in my life forever would make sure that I am a lifelong learner, and that I never forget about what's important.
-T.