bukahlolololol

        Taking a new vow in honor of BZ. I'm going to stop telling people my stats and numbers. I don't need people judging me, even if it's for better. I don't want them to see me as numbers. I'm more than that and I don't need people to make snap judgments of me before they bother to get to know me. Originally I told people my stats because I felt I needed to prove myself. I was so sick of people assuming that I'm a dumb slut. Before I even got felt up by anyone, I was told by a very good friend of mine that the common thought around school is that I sleep around. Kay sweet. By letting my scores smear around school I got people to look at me in a different light. Some people still see me as a slacking slut who just gets good scores. For instance, the math team oralist whom I assisted at state admitted to me that she was pleasantly shocked when I actually pulled through and did all and more of what she asked of me. Maybe I am a slut though, I don't know. If any attractive nice smart cute funny boy professed his undying love and commitment for me for a satisfactory period of time, I'd be a slut again for sure.
        Now that I've been the a school slut and I've been an academic pride, I'm satisfied that I have seen as many ends of the spectrum as I will. The former as funny and attention-getting, and the latter feels nice and confidence-boosting,  but it's all just really stupid anyway. I mean, I'm fairly certain that a lot of people know what I got on my tests, but I'm hoping that it'll all quiet down. It might be too late to stop their knowledge of my numbers, but I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't know. 
        BZ didn't have to tell people in the first place because everyone already knew he was amazing and could assume the best anyway. For me, people are going to assume that if I don't feel like telling them, then I got a sucky score. At this point I'm thinking that they can wonder what they want. It doesn't matter. It's not that I'm embarrassed of my scores, or that I feel the need to hide my achievements. I want people to get to know me for me, and not for my numbers. They can know my numbers after they get to know me I guess, but there's always bound to be complication. XK is the same girl who wouldn't speak to me for a week after she found out I had beat her SAT score by 150 or so. This is the same girl who stayed angry with me for a long time because I was voted to an arbitrary leadership position that didn't even matter, while she barely received any votes. There are countless other belittling things she has said about others whom she considers to be lesser people than she is. It's not her fault, she doesn't know any better, but I'd like to see her grow.
        In essence, I'm pulling a BZ because I want to minimize any preconceptions that people might have of me. I don't mind people thinking that I'm smart, I don't mind that at all. It's just that I'd rather have them learn it through intellectual conversation with me, and not with some silly test number. Anyway, those numbers truly mean nothing at this moment. It would be much easier and feel better to surprise people with something amazing and tangible, like acceptance into my dream school, which will have to wait.
-T.