All I really want is for him to be my friend. I want to be able to talk to him without any ambiguity or discomfort. I don't know if I like him, but I know for a fact that I still love him. I don't like him because of how much he's hurt me. I don't like him because of how remorseless he is. I don't like him because of his insensitivity and lack of empathy. I don't like him because he made me trust him and then broke my heart. I love him because I once liked him very very much. I love him because he once made me very very happy. It's not that I love him romantically necessarily. It's just that if you care about someone so much, I don't believe that it is possible to just turn the other cheek and stop loving him. I care about him a lot.
I told him all of this, and after a bit of explaining he said he understood. I also asked him a few of the burning questions I've had. He said that he really thinks that what we once had was real. I hope he's right. He also says he legitimately values me as a person. I can only hope that he isn't just telling me what I want to hear.
If anything, I hope he learns from the mistakes we made together. I hope he doesn't see me as just another crazy ex-girlfriend, though I probably am one. I hope that we can both grow from this, and not necessarily apart.