The Death of Ivan Ilych

        We are reading this book in English class, and it is just awesome. It brings raises the question of what I would do in the face of death, either of myself or of those around me, and it comes at a coincidental time. A few days ago my dad received a phone call from his brother in China, saying that my grandfather wasn't doing so well. As a result, my dad is going to frantically fly to China in a week. After sobbing to BD on the phone, he suggested that I go with. I gave it a lot of thought. I'd have to miss about two weeks of school, and that would leave me with a lot of work to make up in several difficult classes. Eventually I decided that BD was right. Two weeks of school and plane ticket money should not be more important than being able to see my grandfather for the last time. After all, most of my teachers seem pretty accommodating. I am sure that I could get lengthy extensions and I could have them email me pretty often with notes and such. Most of school is a waste of time anyway. I wake up obscenely early so that I don't get enough sleep and so that it is counterproductive. Some classes of my classes, such as AP Economics, Physical Education, and AP English, are altogether useless, boring, and/or redundant. The only classes that I really feel I need to be there for are AP Physics C, the math class I assistant teach for, and perhaps Advanced Math Topics.
        I brought it up to my dad, and he is open to me going but also suggests against it. Then my mom got wind of it, and, as I knew she would, instantly started attacking me. She said that I had already just seen him over the summer, and I was going to fail out of all my classes, and that I am only thinking of myself and not of all the extra money they would spend. She also said that I am a huge burden, and if I went then I deserve to pay for my own college tuition. Of course, she topped it off with, "but you have to make your own decisions, I'm not going to say anything." I honestly didn't know what to say to her. This is the same woman who blatantly told my sister that her grandpa is going to die soon. I don't understand how a human being could be so cold-hearted, and I am utterly ashamed to be her offspring. The rare times when people don't actually give a fuck about human compassion, they at least attempt to disguise it. I know it would cost about an extra $1000, but I wish she would at least give it some consideration. I wonder if she really believes that I am being incredibly selfish and didn't think about it at all, and am going to make a vacation out of hanging out with my grandfather day in and day out at the hospital while he has ten different tubes coming out of him attaching him to beeping machines. My mom doesn't make any sense whatsoever. This is fucking life and death we are talking about. I don't know what to do or say anymore.
-T.