I have been really sassing everyone lately. The most recent example was yesterday, when I let D know that I particularly detested a friend of his. The topic arose when I found that he liked and commented on facebook pictures of her butt. She is the biggest attention whore I have ever known, and her only friends are boys. The thing is, she is beautiful and has a bangin bod and a charming personality. It's hard to see beyond the surface, for boys especially. I do admit that I am indeed jealous of her in these respects, and it just upsets me that everyone seems to encourage her asinine behavior.
Some funny background on her: Last year she posted a picture of her crotch with three boys around it on facebook. It was captioned something along the lines of, "after too many vag slaps!! ;)" Her mom and sister commented saying how un-ok that was, so she later took it down. Her ex-boyfriend, even while he was dating her, would complain loudly and incessantly about her vagina. He had several complaints about it, including odor, and he would also do so in front of children. Whenever he wanted to refer to it in a public place, he would make a flapping motion with his arms. (Now that is just BAD but ridiculously hilarious.) She has not had sex, but has received oral sex from many people, including a boy she didn't like though she knew he had been in love with her for years. Afterwords, she kissed his stomach all the way down to his fly, then went, "teehee, just kidding, I don't do that kind of stuff!"
She actually goes around bragging to people that she doesn't do physical favors for boys, even for people she dates for a really long time. This is probably a big reason D vehemently denies that she is a skanky. She says things like, "I'm not like other girls," like she thinks she is better than other people because she doesn't do things for boys. WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK. This is so pseudo-feminist that it is anti-feminist. It's one thing to not do it because you don't want to, but it is completely different to claim that you are doing so because you are a "superior" person. Not to mention, it is plain old RUDE to always take and never give. She is beautiful, but she knows it all too well.
Anyway, now I am being reprimanded for disrespecting him by disrespecting his friend. Nothing is said about him disrespecting me by commenting and liking another girl's butt picture. I couldn't care less if he just appreciated it, of course that is natural, he is an 18 year old boy for chrissakes. The commenting on it and stuff is unwarranted and he knows I am insecure and this really just reminds me of how replaceable and unimportant I am. D says that she is allowed to post whatever she wants on facebook. This is very true, but I honestly don't believe that this means I am not allowed to have an opinion on what she posts. I guess I have to go back to hiding my opinions lest he hate them and stop talking to me. I understand if he is upset with me, but really this shouldn't be such a big deal, and he can't just hate on me like this without reflecting on what wrong he has done. Of course, he doesn't do anything wrong so what am I talking about. I just hate so much having to cover my feelings up, and when I don't tell him my feelings I feel like I am keeping something from him and I also have to make up fake feelings so that I don't act like the cynical brat I really am. I am always apologizing because I hate the fighting and the not talking, but I don't believe I really should be doing that.
If he wants to break up with me he should do so, and if he really wants to make this work he should start acting like it.
-T.
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