Today, D told me "<3 you!" It made me kind of uneasy. This phrase is obviously a lame teenage cop out for kids who don't want deal with the gravity of saying the word "love" but they still want to seem super cutesy and couple-y. I didn't say it back, was I supposed to? I don't know.
Oftentimes, I wonder what he sees in me. I feel like I am totally replaceable, though most girls are. It's a bit of a hassle to explain, but this article sums it up perfectly. (I've had a link to it on my sidebar for a while.) It's great that I'm good looking and all, and he likes me for that, but then I walk around school or go on facebook and I see so many girls who are just as pretty if not prettier. I don't even have boobs to keep his interest. Why should he choose me when there are so many options? I'm awkward, creepy, crazy, and overly thoughtful. He could easily lose his interest in me when he sees some other girl at a college pool party or something like that. I imagine that this girl watches football, naturally gorgeous and doesn't wear makeup, has some nice C-cups, athletic, can drive herself around, plays video games, is laid-back, and lets him fuck her poop chute. Sometimes I think he is only settling for me and I am merely a placeholder to keep him company until that girl shows up. Of course, he doesn't realize this. He is naive and happy with me as always, but I have my doubts.
A lot of the time we do group skype calls with our friends and we have a running joke about my boobs being small. Of course, D always keeps taking the joke pretty far and never really says anything like "just kidding." Even one of the other guys who was joking around followed it up with that small boobs are perfect and cute and it's okay. I just wish that D would do the same, he just doesn't know that it does sort of hurt my feelings a little when he keeps saying it. He only says he likes my boobs when he wants to see/touch them. I'm sure he doesn't mean it, but if I bring it up to him he will just tell me to be more confident and then say stuff like, "so what, I have moobs and I just deal with them." He still tells me I'm pretty in general a lot, but it's just annoying and a little bit appalling that he is that insensitive when he makes fun of me for my boobs. Does he honestly not get annoyed when I make fun of his moobs? Sometimes I do stuff like talk about other guys when he talks about other girls just to piss him off. I do the same thing when he makes fun of me and so I make fun of his moobs and pube mole and stuff. Also I say stuff like, "yah totally getting a boob job I need one," even though I would probably never get one because I'm honestly okay with myself by my own standards, but I just want him to tell me that I don't need one and I look fine as is, but probably he secretly wants me to get one because he likes boobs and he's always dated girls with big boobs. All this is just to give him a taste of his own medicine and subtly tell him to STOP, but of course boys don't get the subtle stuff. Silly boys.