I can't stand living here it's like poison. But I'm so scared that I'm wrong about everything and they're right. I wish so much that I were emotionally unaffectable. I wish that I were like NS, who never questions authority and follows the rules. I want societal constructs to comprise my moral compass. I would give up so much to have a simple happy life.

Lately so much bad stuff has been happening at home and it's so blurry and stupid that I don't even want to talk about exactly what has been transpiring. I've been happy for too long. I should have known I would find a way to ruin everything again. All I know is that I want to be out of here and literally the only person who can calm me down even when I am being evasive and awful is LE. Literally why does he put up with me.

Oops so many emotions right now. I'm such a stupid irrational female no matter how intellectual I think I am I will always be held back by the irrationality attached to my second X-chromosome. I'm just a stereotype of everything I hate and I hate myself.


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